Prompt 3.) Why were you mortified? Write about a true embarrassing moment as though it was happening in slow motion.
(inspired by writingfix.com)
There’s no way to say this politely, so I’m just going to come right out and say it: the sales dude hired at my last job was a complete and total moron.
Granted, I haven’t worked in almost 5 years, but this guy was that bad that I still can’t forget him.
Or his arrogance.
Or his too-white teeth.
Or his that’s-the-funniest-thing-I’ve-ever-heard laugh.
Or his hair that he obviously spent the majority of every morning fluffing with a roller brush and blow dryer.
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In fact, the thought of anything pertaining to the sales process, negotiating or schmoozing gives me the heebie-jeebies.
The Moron is the epitome of a “sales guy,” and even worse, he was lousy at his job.
But it can take some time before guys like him are found out, especially if the sales cycle for your industry is counted in months rather than weeks.
I did project management and some analysis at my last job. The man who originally founded the company created his very own analysis model, which was the big money-making product The Moron was supposed to sell.
One morning, The Moron told me he needed me for a client conference call. No biggie as I was used to that sort of thing.
But what he failed to warn me of purposely didn’t tell me was that – at the 11th hour – he would throw me to the wolves and expect ME to SELL our analysis product to the client.
I had zero knowledge it was coming, and when the client’s conversation turned to, “Well, Moron, can you explain to me how your analysis product works and why it’s of value for our company?” and he chicken-shittedly utters his, “I’ll turn you over to Liz” line, it was like time had stopped.
I had never, ever explained something like this to a client before, and I was left with a few milliseconds to think about what I was going to say.
To make matters worse, I had no idea what kinds of projects The Moron was working to secure with this company to even have relevant examples to use in my fumbled explanation.
If he had at least told me that he was incapable of explaining the one and only thing he was paid to do, I could have asked a few questions about the company and their reason for conducting these projects AHEAD OF TIME, and put together a few thoughts to be ready to use for the conference call.
Or better yet… put them together for HIM to use.
Since selling was HIS job.
That was the first and last time I did a favor for The Moron. Thankfully for both of us he had enough sense not to ask again. Because if he had, I would have told him to where to shove that roller brush.
{ 50 comments… read them below or add one }
Wow what a jerk! and a d-bag!
Holy Moly! What a jerk! There are some people out there who just are not ment to walk the planet!
Any man who “does” his hair is suspect! My husband often has to work with salespeople to sell their services and usually comes home frustrated. He often jokes he should get some sort of commission.
The only thing worse than a “sales guy” is a lazy asswipe of a sales guy.
What brought that story up? It is never easy working with difficult people, I’m glad you are free of that unnecessary nonsense.
You are so funny! I have missed you. I am a terrible slacker sorry I haven’t been around I just needed a little blogging break! Glad to be back!
is the moran’s name Kurt? because when I was in sales a few years ago I had a regional mgr that was a moran. He would ride with us to improve our sales. right. he would go on calls with me and he was reeeedicullllllooooouuuuss. me and my customers would just stare at him and you could hear us all blink. and one of my customers called me the next day to tell me not to bring that jack ass back. lol
*moron. duh. and I should not be commenting while partaking in wine. sheesh.
OUCH that is harsh…what a jerk!!
Why is it that moron is such a satisfying name to call someone who is a moron? Actually, 8 years later, that’s how I still refer to my ex, the moron…see, completely satisfying.
Makes you love your current job even more, eh?
This kind of people just make me sick. They want all the glory for something others do and that because they don’t know how to do their job.
It continues to amaze me (and Lord knows it shouldn’t) about how Stupid People get put in positions of responsibility. I just want to look around and say to the gathering crowds, “Can no one else see what a dope this person is?” I hate that it *always* takes time for The World to catch up and realize.
And did the client buy?
We’ve all worked with one. As soon as I read the word “Moron”, a coworker of mine from another newspaper job, came to mind. *sigh*
Our current ad rep at the paper is adorable and full of drama, but she gets the job done, so I don’t have to!!
Brought back memories of a guy I worked with who was finally fired. One morning I bought a cup of hot chocolate at the stand in my building where this creepy guy was working.
He filled the cup so full with frothing milk that he couldn’t mix in the chocolate syrup. He asked me to sip some off the top so it wouldn’t spill. He enjoyed that way too much.
When I told the story in my office, my coworkers laughed and said that he was the new guy they hired in marketing. They weren’t kidding. It was his last day at the coffee stand and he started with us the next week.
I hope he worked on commission?
Wow, what a total jerk!
I’ve never worked in a really sales oriented industry.
But Himself has.
He has lots of choice words about salespeople.
None of them nice.
He’s especially fond of salespeople who sell imaginary products.
(He works in tech, so there is much promising of things the product was never designed to do. Like make coffee and file tax returns.)
I’ve worked with similiar morons too. And it is hard to forget them…
People like that make me so mad! He was just totally thinking of himself and how he would look if he couldn’t do his job. Man!
Sounds like a sucky, memorable moment. Maybe we all need morons in our lives occasionally to help keep us in check? And btw, you totally crack me up.
Oh my gosh! I would have been mortified. I’m like you, I like to be prepared and I am NOT a natural salesperson. I also have no patience for lazy people pushing their responsibilities on other people. Hopefully it caught up with him. I do love your description of him though.
Morons are never good.
Unless they’re in a movie.
Then they’re hilarious.
Behind every sales guy is a really talented project person and/or marketer.
Wow, that’s not the moron I expected.
I would hate it if that happened to me. Stopping by from SITS
Uggghhh. I hate when people sucker you into something that you are unprepared to do. Unfair, and embarrasing.
Hmmm, working with morons…don’t miss that! And I SO don’t do sales-type things. Hated trying to sell Girl Scout cookies, etc..
I do think that the exposure to several morons that I worked with has made me a better mom. Not much surprises me now!
I hate the sales process. I am no good at it either! The whole thing gives me the heebie-jeebies too!
Visiting from SITS today =)
Peeps are such morons! I’m not a sales rep either… can’t stand it…
Woah way to throw you right under that bus. What a jerk!
What a toolbag! I’ve never had anything this excruciating happen to me before, but I do end up on the receiving end of angry customers fairly frequently because the person they spoke to before me failed to do their job.
I’ve totally been there! When doing events, more times than not, my co-worker and I would go back to our office and say “how did they get that job?!” It was amazing how incompetent people can be in the world at their own jobs!
Two words: Douche Bag.
Or is that one word?
Either way
What nerve! Seems like his nickname is appropriate.
Mortified is the perfect word for that! You described him perfectly and I could envision him in all his cheesy, slimy, and ignorant salesman-ness. Yuck.
Eww, he sounds like a pretty disgusting individual. Your description is perfect. Why are salesmen always so sleazy?! Have studies shown people are likely to say YES to someone with over-styled hair and over-bleached teeth?? It’s doubtful.
Oh, lordy, that was ballsy. Sounds like you powered through and saved the day – but what a SHMUCK! Sounds like this guy I worked with at my last job called “Gay Gerald.” Who wore Prada and made fun of my awesome Gap attire. He probably had a roller brush too.
Oh no! I would have been furious- what a terrible situation to be put in (and what a crappy guy!) So glad you’re rid of this moron!
Sounds like the kind of guy that uses your first name in every sentence so he doesn’t forget. So, how did you do?
Sounds like he forgot to put on his big girl panties that day.
I think I worked with that same Moron!
That sounds awful. The moron sounds even worse. You’ve done a great job of describing him – I can picture him in my mind! I think you know something’s really off when someone has too white teeth
I totally know that guy! I’m pretty sure he worked at my last company…
It’s amazing how many morons there are in this world!
Hmmm…I think I’ve met him before! lol
That sounds like a nightmare moment.
Boy, I felt that right with you. Do you strangle him now, or later, right?
Ugh. Thank God those days are over…
Moron.
What an idiot!! I’ve worked with a few over the years and they’re always hard to forget!
He used you as his scapegoat. What a moron is right! Did you manage to pull something out of your….you know…
Ugh. I work with someone like that. It makes me so angry when I do all the work and she takes all the credit!!