Before I get started, I need to insert my disclaimer: The following list may not apply. If your husband isn’t really anal, with girly tendencies, traveling with him may be an easy-breezy, simple and enjoyable experience for you.
But for me it isn’t. Nope. No way.
Here’s why…
1. My husband implements a strategy for packing our bags. Not just, “What needs to go in the carry-on, honey?” but for every.single.thing we are taking with us. I seem incapable of packing, according to him, because I don’t naturally ball up underpants and jam them inside my shoes in order to save a centimeter of space. I don’t think of clever ways to use the cups of my bras to nestle travel-size bottles of shampoo. It doesn’t cross my mind to shove pantiliners in the pockets of my 4 year old’s shorts.
Silly me, right?
Maybe because he has triple the beauty products that I do, those miniscule amounts of square footage seem vital.
2. My husband asks me 57 times a day, for the week leading up to our departure, what time we’re planning on getting in the car and what time I’m waking the girls up that morning. I’m not sure if it’s for his own OCD needs or if he feels badgering me to the point of ripping my own hair out is the best way to insure I’m aware of travel times.
3. And that brings me nicely to my next point. How often am I ever late? Doesn’t he know I have gotten myself and two kids ready every single day, on my own, since they were born? And tell me how often I ever forget something they need!
Planning for a vacation is something we moms start doing weeks in advance. We hit the Target Dollar Bins for some new toys, load up on snacks, and grab a few favorite DVDs. We lay out clothes, count diapers and make sure lovies make the cut in the – apparently – highly-coveted suitcase square footage competition. We moms have got it down to a science, so QUIT MESSING WITH US!
4. My husband’s apparently never heard the saying, “if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it!” I’ve been telling him for years that it doesn’t do any of us any good if he burns through Mommy’s Bag O’ Tricks in the first 32 seconds of our trip. If the girls are happily scribbling on their Magna Doodles, let them! If they are content watching their current Backyardigans DVD, why turn to them and tell them you’ll start something new?
Once the bag of tricks is used up, we’re all screwed, buddy. So keep your trap shut and wait until they ask what else it is we have for them.
5. For some reason, my husband thinks it’s wise to frantically ask me, when we’re ten minutes INTO our trip, if I have everything we need. He goes through a roll call of sorts, even bringing up things that no sane person would ever take along. I assure him we have what we need, and then point out that if he was this concerned I’d thought of everything, it would have been helpful if he had asked, maybe, BEFORE we left the house!
6. Given the past 5 points, you’d think that with all his micro-management, he’d continue be right on top of things for the remainder of our travels. But, in fact, the exact opposite is true. As soon as we hit the airport, it’s like he’s never before met these little people, a.k.a. his children.
Me: Can you hand me the wipes?
Him — Where are they?
Me: In the same pocket of the diaper bag where I’ve kept them for the past 4.5 years.
Me: Grab me that bag of goldfish, please.
Him — Who are you going to give them to?
Me: Kate and Maddie.
Him — Do they even like goldfish?
Him — Is this jacket ours?
Him — Do these shoes belong to us?
Him — What time do they go to nap?
Me: Aaaaaaaaaahhhhhh!!!!
So there you have it. Traveling with my husband is more aggravating, more trying and more exhausting than traveling with my 2 kids. Give me airport tantrums, in-flight diaper changes and lack-of-sleep-induced meltdowns any day.
I’d gladly take them.
I love this one, and so true. After 4 years, I still need a cheat sheet for mine, that includes things like where the wipes are, and what time they nap!
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OMG – I am laughing out loud. Husband in the office next to me – asking questions….Tough. He’s not quite the same. His thing is that he’s used to travelling by himself, so hence thinks that when I am there as well. I take care of the children and he does all the rest – oh what check in and put the bags on the belt??? I have had to growl reminders through gritted teeth that we are there together to share the workload of the 3 kids …Sure I can’t tempt another of those hilarious travel stories out of you for a guest post!?
LMAO!!! Okay, I’m going to attribute 99% of this to the fact that he must be extremely nervous about traveling. Happens to us all, but perhaps for him it manifests in a way that he needs to feel in control of something, even if only for helping sort the luggage or being in control of scheduled snacks. I dunno. Men will always be a mystery to me
At least you’re both in this together and it seems like in the end, you’ve mastered a game plan (even if there is some hair-pulling and stressin’ out to get there).
Safe travels and “see” you when you return
ahhahahaha! This is absolutely amazing!!!
Boy, I’m glad my man doesn’t obsess over suitcase square-footage, because my bras don’t actually have any cups. They’re just little roundish pieces of fabric with straps. But that is where I usually keep all my band-aids, so I’m good for that at least.
I’m laughing outloud because I remember you left me a comment about my recent Disney planning/packing post that said something about being a wreck if you were married to me… girl, I totally get it now!!! Holy Cow! You & the hubby crack me up! I think I need to take notes – so if you don’t mind, video tape some of your packing escapade the next time your going on a trip, will you?
I feel for you. My husband is almost the same exact way. Only he’s this bad for a trip to the grocery store!
Too funny. Those “where do we keep the…?” questions KILL me!
Me? I prefer traveling alone.
Also. I am very jealous that you and KLZ got together IRL.
So funny! Love it. I always find that’s the hardest part when my husband returns from his travels – adjusting to life together again. And finding a routine that works for both of us.