I Just Can’t

4.) 10 Reasons Why I Could Never Be Friends With…(fill in the blank)

I really liked the idea behind this prompt, though I had a hard time coming up with 10 reasons for any one person. Probably because if I could never be friends with someone to begin with, I wouldn’t know enough about them to populate a list that long.

So instead of following the rules, I modified them a bit by choosing 2 people, and putting together 2 shorter lists.

First up, Tom Cruise…

Tom Cruise

1. He’s Kapital K KrAzY.

2. I already have 1 pint-sized man in my life; I surely don’t need another.

3. I already have 1 man I can’t wear heels around; I surely don’t need another.

4. I already cope with 1 high-maintenance, diva-of-a- man; I surely don’t need another.

5. His laugh kinda scares me…in a very Dr-Evil-I’m-trying-to-take-over-the-world sort of way.

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Next up,…

A Toddler & Tiara Mom

1. I scoff at those mothers every time I hear one them say their daughter really wants to do this…and the camera pans over to show their kid throwing a fit because she doesn’t want to practice, or having a tantrum because she’s only 2 and hasn’t gotten a nap for 3 days due to her pageant performance schedule.

2. Their toddlers dance more provocatively during pageant routines than I did with “liquid courage” in college.

…And they are OK with that.

3. I don’t understand how there can be a “beauty” category of judging when the girls wear fake eyelashes and fake hair. That’s not beauty; that’s store-bought costuming.

4. Their 3 year old daughters have used more make-up, hairspray and double-sided tape in their short lives than I have with nearly 33 years under my belt.

5. I want to shake some sense into them because they are inevitably shown talking about how the cost of the pageants, travel & accommodations, dresses, costumes and other supplies suck up a good chunk of their take-home pay, and have put a financial strain on their families.

If you think going into debt and jeopardizing your family’s well-being, all for the sake of a plastic trophy, a satin sash and a rhinestone crown, is a good idea? I’m sorry, but we just can’t be friends.

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Taking a step back after composing this post makes me realize there seems to be a common thread or two to this…

Perhaps I have some unresolved, underlying issues pertaining to short humans and diva tendencies???

Hmm…