If money were no object, I could immediately employ more than a dozen people for the following jobs and jump-start my (very) local economy:
- Mail Grabber (Including bringing in FedEx and UPS packages from the porch)
- Mail Opener & Sorter (Multi-tasking skills preferred)
- Bill Payer (Math skills test required)
- Ceiling Fan Cleaner-Offer (Ladder provided)
- Baseboard Wiper
- Kiddie Tooth Brusher (Must keep straight what brush goes with which kid)
- Email Answerer (Must comfortably use “dude,” “you guys” and “metro” where appropriate)
- Kodak Gallery Picture Poster Upper
- Tomato Plant Waterer
- Dog Poop Picker Upper (Daily clean-up preferred)
- Preschool Drop-Offer and Pick-Upper (Good driving record and In-car DVD system are must-haves!)
- Car Seat Cracker Crumb Cleaner-Outter
- Words with Friends Player (Quick, what word can you make with the letters Y, H, G, A, E, Z, M & T?)
Lazy people need not apply. There’s no reason to duplicate my efforts.
What chores would you love to pawn off on someone else?
I would pay someone to put my child to sleep for nap and bedtime everyday. I would seriously pay top dollar to anyone who can do this job for me.
I should have included nail clipper, too!
I second Jessica’s suggestion.
Oh wait, my husband is available for that job! Too bad he’s not for hire, we would make buckets.
I’d really like someone to do laundry for me. Wash, dry, iron, put away.
I love, LOVE, your list! I would also add a dishwasher loader/unloader and a dish putter awayer! I HATE doing that with such a passion!!
Good choice! And for whatever reason, I hate putting the clean dishes away more than loading up the dirty ones. You’d think it would be the other way.
I would like a dust bunny collector and a grout cleaner.
Oh, great question…well, for starters, everything on YOUR list would be hired out, plus:
back scratcher (on demand – with option of impromptu massages)
sheet changer
garbage taker outer
compost stirrer
laundry folder
I love it! I would totally employ this person and help the economy as well. I need a mail sorter and bill payer since I hate doing it!
I want the mail grabber, too. I hate getting the mail, even the packages off the front porch, so Mark does all of the mail-getting. When he’s out of town, things get dicey.
I would pay someone to do my laundry. I absolutely hate doing it.
Packed lunch maker would be a must for me! I hate making the kids lunches.
I am on the verge of entering that world; my oldest starts full day kindy in August!
Bath/shower giver!! I don’t know why, but I’ve never enjoyed giving baths to my kids. (shame on me)
I love your list!
My son loves to get the mail. If only I could teach him how to sort it!
If I could I would hire someone to clean out our car, do the laundry (wash, fold, AND put away), and organize the house.
Ha ha you would have a great little economy for those jobs! That’s a great idea I must say…I would add someone to wash and fold laundry…oh and cleaning the bathrooms is a must. Happy Friday!
I would love a garden weeder and a dog hair swiffer-er (& if I were nearer to you I would LOVE to with or without pay be the dropper-offer-to and picker-upper-from pre-school — I LOVE that job
Wait I thought the purpose of kids was for them to do all the work? No?
Dude, I’ll totally be your email responderer!
M-A-Z-E
I desperately need my own mail opener, sorter and bill payer. As a look at my kitchen table would prove.
Also, Gaze.
Haze
Hazy.
Mate
Matey
Math
Thy
I’m sure there are others but I was always terrible at boggle.
You’re got issues.
Dude…
Bath giver.
Potty Trainer.
Clothes Ironer.
Hahahaha I love the Car Seat Cracker Crumb Cleaner-Outter. I need one of those too!!
For Words With Friends:
They
Them
Maze
I think I would love to work in your house, Liz! Count me in for email replier.
As for me, anyone who can cook half-way decent is hired. No questions asked.
I need a Hank Whisperer.
Bath tub cleaner- my least favorite chore
Also, floor cleaner. With hardwood floors and a messy toddler I feel like all I ever do is sweep and mop. I told Kev I want one of those automatic floor cleaners for Christmas this year…hopefully he makes it happen.
Uh, sock folding; dishwasher unloading; cat litter cleaner; oil change getter; mopper. I could go on and on.
I could really use a wiper of butts and noses.
I’d love to have a laundry folder. And a personal grocery shopper. And toenail clipper (for my 18-month-old, not for me – because that shizz is hard!).
And while I’m at it, I’d love to hire someone to come to work for me every day.
I need a bill payer too, but you need to adjust the description. Make it clear that they’re paying with THEIR money, not ours.
Laundry folder, diaper changer, bath giver, dish washer, and chef. Also, a bodyguard for my 5 year old. Not that anyone is trying to get him, but just to actually guard his body. That boy is dangerous.
Basically, everything I do so I can play on the computer… Er, I mean play with my kids. Yeah, that.
I want someone who’ll put away my groceries.
And the mail. OMG! Our mailbox is up the road and no one ever wants to walk all that way. We just ignore the mail until after a few days, I know that box will be ready to explode. Then I bribe one of the kids.
And then of course, there’s the laundry. Always, always the laundry because it never. ever. ends.
I will play Words with Friends for you! I’ve gotten pretty good.
I am so happy to know I’m not the only one who loathes the mail! I think I even devoted an entire blog post to my loathing. Ah, I did! http://jah-justjennifer.blogspot.com/2011/01/out-with-old.html
I need a driver! Grocery shopping is the most inefficient task so someone to handle that would be awesome too!
Definitely ironing…yup…and clothes put-away-er.
I’m glad I’m not the only one who has The Lazy.
I feel bad about this, but I hate everything about groceries. Shopping for them, putting them away. Cooking with them. Cleaning up after the cooking of the groceries.
I’m sure that when the ladies back in prairie times were making dinner from….wheat and venison or something….they would have loved to wrap up leftovers. Or have a refrigerator.
But I really am that lazy. I would pay someone to do just about anything for me.
Like shave my legs.
(don’t tell Craig.)
I love that “cooking with them” made its way to the list.
I would also have a regular dog walker and a scrap booker/picture person YES!! BBCD for pres!
Ugh! My most loathsome task: the laundry.
It is EVIL! Never ending. Duplicating. And snarky.
(thanks for the comment on my blog
)
I only needed to read one thing “dog poop picker upper.” That’s my dream employee. Have you seen my dogs? I have three & they are huge. Do the math.
HA! You know- as the kids get older, they start to help with these things. Mine do. In fact they all fight to see who can do more to help. Can’t beat that!
Hilarious! I would be much too lazy to apply. I would like to have a baby catcher. Someone to catch my little guy every time he starts falling off of something he has scaled.
Words with friends buddy here!!!
Hmm… what jobs would I pawn off on someone else? I don’t need much… perhaps just a really wonderful gentleman to prepare me breakfast in bed? That would really rock my world. OH! I would also love a driver since I feel as though I spend a large portion of my life commuting via trains, buses, taxis. But that’s it :p
I just want somebody to clean my house! Dog poop picker upper would be good, too!
Wall washer. Child Bather. Dishwasher. Gardener for the weeds.
Masseuse.
You have quite a few of mine on your list….and some that I’ve pawned off on the kids (i.e. dog poop scooper!).
I would also hire for stove-top scrubber, dog bather, sock turn-right-side-outer, and cobweb gatherer.
Ugh I totally need a car-seat cracker crumb picker upper!