This is a husband story like no other.
Courtesy of Jessica of Four Plus An Angel.
Her guest post is truly divine, will make you laugh, and will make you want to ring her husband’s neck.
Without further adieu…
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My husband has all kinds of amazing qualities.
I would list them all for you but every single one seems to be slipping my mind right now.
While digging through my drawer of “clothes that have never seen the light of day“, I stumbled upon The Gift.
And now my mind is foggy and I am trying to sift through those clouds and think happy thoughts to lower my heart rate.
When I was a pregnant with our triplets he went out one evening with the guys. Upon his return, he began bragging that he bought me something and this unbelievable gift would be here any day.
Surely I had the most amazing husband in the world.
A night out with the guys and he bought something for his pregnant, overflowing with hormones, wife? What could be better?
So I waited and day after day he asked if we had received a package in the mail.
My excitement continued to grow; of course this was some rare piece of jewelry that had to be shipped here or something amazingly personalized for our unborn babies.
Well lo and behold one day this small package came and I tried to ignore the loopy, girly handwriting that scrolled my husband’s name, complete with hearts on the “i’s.” Maybe the jeweler had a crush on my handsome catch.
Who wouldn’t?
When my husband arrived home from work, I waited in my usual bedrest, big as a house, unable to stay in a seated position stance and watched, to my horror, as my gift quickly unfolded.
A Hooter’s tank top.
My husband, step-father to my daughter and the man whose children I was carrying, had custom ordered a Hooter’s tank top that would barely fit over one of my pregnancy-sized boobs.
Oh but it gets better. In his excitement over the gift he explained how he acquired this shirt. You see, he had this wonderful waitress who offered to do him a favor so he tipped her extra and gave her his address on one of his business cards so she could mail him this coveted-by-every-pregnant-
As my new tank top warmed the one square inch of my thigh that it covered, my visions of my husband chatting it up with a Hooter’s waitress made this the gift that just would not stop giving.
What more could I ask for?
Maybe another one so I could have a complete set of leg warmers?
Or a husband who spends a guys’ night out gushing to a Hooter’s waitress about his pregnant wife?
Oh wait, I’ve already got that.
A little help in the gift giving department and he would be every woman’s dream.
***Jessica and I will soon be announcing more details of the Summer Blog Social link-up we’ve come up with, which will run the first week of August. Stay tuned for more on #SummerSocial!
You mean you didn’t wear it for your Xmas card photo? Or at least use it as a onesie for your kids?
I’m seriously thinking of putting it on my son the next time my husband has the guys over
.
Ha ha! Hilarious Jess. I could not even imagine. I would have hurt him.
If I could have moved there probably would have been an injury.
LMAO! I’ve got a similar story to share, but, first I want to know this:
In what universe did he think this was a “great idea”? Was it an alcohol-induced moment of brilliance? Can’t be… he seemed excited when you opened it. And unless he’s been slipping a nip here and there at work, I think he was oh so proud of this surprise.
My hubby is lucky that I have a “Stabbing Prohibited” sign to remind me. This would have made me blind to such signs. LOL!
He STILL thinks it was a good gift. Somewhere in his mind he thinks it was his way of telling me that I still looked great, even while pregnant. (I have no idea who this rationale fits in)
That makes the salt and peppers mills I got for Christmas look sparkly. Oh wait, I traded them in and got myself a Coach bag!
That’s my husband, making all the other husbands of the world look that much better.
Oh.My.God!!! This is WAY worse than when my post partum self cried because I couldn’t keep my house clean, and my hubby went out and bought me a book . . .”100 Tips to Clean Your House” It is amazing that he is alive after that, and I am sure that your husband is so very thankful to be alive too.:)Thanks for the laugh!
.
BTW- that Hooter shirt could be turned into a nifty Christmas stocking that would hold a lump of coal nicely. . . just sayin’
OOOOh, this would have to be a REALLY close second.
You. Are. Kidding. He got you that? How awful and yes, they are BOTH lucky to be alive.
I hear they are great for choking people with.
Hilarious! My husband’s gift giving hasn’t nearly been as interesting, unfortunately. Typically, he’ll cut the surprise and just ask me straight out, “do you want (fill-in-the-blank)? I’m at the mall, and it seems like something you’d want.” *sigh
Oh that is sort of boring but I would love to just tell my husband what I want instead of risking a gift like this one.
This sounds like something my hubs would be excited to give me.
He’s out of his mind sometimes!
At least mine’s not the only one. I’m sure you are just waiting for the day you get a gift this good
.
OH. MY. GOSH. >>> The gift that keeps on giving! TOO FUNNY! That has got to be one of the funnies husband-gift-giving-stories I have EVER read…
I am really hoping that Jessica used that Hooters tank to tie up her husband naked to their bed while she promptly left the house for 5 or so hours.
So funny Rachel, I’m actually thinking of letting my boys wear it, possibly at the next guys poker night at our house.
That is too funny. All my hubby brings me is wine.
Wait, I will take that.
This happened before the kids, now he is well trained in wine pouring.
I can only imagine the look of horror on your face! I hope you got a replacement gift at some point.
You know I never thought about a replacement gift but I think one is due.
I hope you use it to dust things. Or torched it. Whichever…
[...] chicago dog. Grab a dish of Blue Moon and a spoon that’s as big as your head and read my post over there. You might also like…DaddiesBreakdancing with the StarsContract [...]
Twenty years ago (or so) I went to a bachelorette party at a dance club called….(drumroll)
MARBLES.
I could probably get your husband a g-string from there.
You know. For Christmas.
(Loved this Jessica. Hi-larious.)
LOL….OH Jessica, thank goodness for a sense of humor right???
seems I’m reading about and writing about boobies all over the bloposphere lately…he he he…..
this is a great story, hey it is the THOUGHT that counts, right??? Right???
Oh, my goodness. Sometimes, husbands just don’t think!!
I once received a “pirate outfit” because the girls at Treasure Island in Vegas looked “cool”. Um, I could barely pull it over my head!
But to be pregnant..and bed ridden?? You are a good woman.
Oh my! You should make him wear the shirt. In public. Take lots of pictures.
Wait until 25 years of marriage, my husband would stab himself in the eye with a Hooter’s boob before he ever brought a shirt home not to mention, he would never admit to going there. It’s examples like this that keeps him from purchasing a gun to protect our house. And, by the way, I have daughters old enough to work there. I think that seemed to change his attitude just a little.
LMAO!!!! OMG, I’m hysterical. Ahhhh, well, you can’t fault a man for trying, eh?? EH?! Actually, you can. But I’m sure he did mean well
In any event, I hope you enjoyed the leg warmer. :p
that is one of the best and funniest stories ever. if my husband was reading this he would be like, i don’t get it.. what’s wrong with the gift? you women are impossible!
[...] A Belle, A Bean and a Chicago Dog: The Gift: Hooters-Style, a guest post by Four Plus An [...]
That’s pretty funny but thoughtful in a strange way. See, even carrying triplets, you were as sexy as a Hooter’s waitress in his mind…
Oh. My. Word. That’s worse than my husband’s man whore of a brother buying my two year old son a Hooter’s hat. Wow.
I’m afraid I would have killed my husband if he’d done that. In fact, I read him this post and he’s still mumbling about how very dead he would be, lol!
Hopefully those other redeeming qualities are shining extra bright!
NO.WAY. I want to laugh but that seems so inappropriate.
Seriously, really?! I hope he’s been making up for it ever since.